by Shellie Dickstein
While research today is pointing to the power of social networks and relationships to influence behavior, many of our Jewish educational professionals, including those in the field of early family engagement, have not yet shifted their thinking and approach.
The 2011 study conducted by Mark Rosen on Jewish Early Engagement in New York commissioned by UJA-Federation of New York, states that, ?Social networks play an important role in parental decision making. Parents? choices are often influenced by friends ? they seek recommendations from peers and go where their friends go.? And the recent UJA-Federation 2011 Jewish Community Study of New York finds ?a very close and powerful association of Jewish social connection with level of Jewish engagement.?
In order to build on the findings from the 2011 research conducted by Mark Rosen, our Early Childhood and Family Engagement team at The Jewish Education Project, wanted to gain a deeper understanding of how beginning Jewish families experience this new life stage, how they form relationships with other parents, and about their relationship to Judaism. To find out, we spoke to those parents who normally do not talk about their Jewish lives. Under the leadership of our Associate Director for Strategic Research and Insights, we conducted a series of parent focus groups this past summer with ?unengaged? Jewish moms with 1st children ages 0-2 from Manhattan and Brownstone Brooklyn. We recruited participants by posting on parent and neighborhood listserves, and in facebook groups, by standing in front of baby clothing stores, and through word of mouth. Our final group of 35 moms varied in age from 20?s to 40?s. Some worked full time and some part time; there were one or two single moms and some had non-Jewish spouses ? all were raising their children Jewish.
When we spoke to the moms, we were struck by their profound desire for intimate peer relationships (they compared finding friends to dating for spouses); their deep interest in experiencing food, ?fun? and celebration; and their focus on managing and navigating their challenging transition to parenthood. We heard loudly and clearly that these new parents primary focus is not on increasing their Jewish connections or practice, but on being the best parent they can be and on finding relationships that support them. They often spoke about seeking and finding meaningful connections in ?organic? ways ? meaning, not too controlled or contrived by others. Here is what two moms shared with us that suggest this approach:
?I think if there were a website where somebody could sign up to cook on this day or that ? if you have within a neighborhood a group of people who do not have a physical space but want to have dinner every few months? there could be a community aspect to this website. Something for cooking on Friday nights or holidays.? Park Slope mom of 22 month old
?And you could find other Jewish families [on this website], because for me, it?s hard to find other Jewish families. I would like to have some Jewish friends where we can get together on a Friday night and have Shabbat dinner?. ?Upper West Side mom of a 15 month old
We also found that some moms had a sense of the community they might like to belong to but not sure how to find it or achieve it. Another mom said, ?Growing up in a Jewish community, everyone is kind of there for each other? I have never seen that in any other community?. For example. I have friends that live in Englewood, NJ. When they had their babies, they had a calendar of who is going to cook for [the mom] who just gave birth and all their meals are taken care of for a while. In the city I asked my friends, where is my dinner? Upper West Side Mom of 14 month old
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